after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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