dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
