I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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