I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
