I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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