god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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