I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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