all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
