dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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