The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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