Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
last night I used snow as a chaser
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
