The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
