She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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