I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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