And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
