I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
