I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
