we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
