His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
