I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this boner is exhausting
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
