never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
