Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
