Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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