and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
