Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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