He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
