The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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