Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
