Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
