Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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