She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
