if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
