I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
