K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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