i just wanna soil my oats bro
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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