he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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