Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
