one two three fourrrrnication!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
