he wants to bone in the snuggie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
