ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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