Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
