I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
