just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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