You just made me feel so damn special
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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