i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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