lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
