i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
