Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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