I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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