at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You ruined the universe
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