What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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